Sunday 29th August 2021.
Over the past few months I have been struggling with a huge jumble of thoughts in my head, not able to fully concentrate on one task and getting distracted with something else that needs my attention which has led to things beginning to slide. If you are a mum you will get that when things start to slide, it can feel like you are losing control and that you are failing as a mum and failing at life. A few years ago there was a similar point in my life when something similar happened (a story for another day) and now it means I can recognise the signs… and I have come to a crossroads that meant that we (my husband and I) have to decide what is more important the growth of our small home business, our family or a way we can forge a path and perhaps try to have both? Our family is not a traditional 2.4 children (which makes no sense anyway) with a happily married mum and dad. I have two boys from a previous relationship, plus a third with my husband of 6 years. Our path has never been an easy one and our family life is complicated but I know and we both know that our family is at the heart of everything that we do and all the decisions that we make. Sounds cheesy but in all honesty without your family what else do you have? Even looking back at the last 3 paragraphs I have written my thoughts are still jumping from one idea to another, which is why I need to write it down! Try to make some sense and gain some perspective! So where was I? Oh yep – failing at life….. this train of thought is real mums everywhere feeling like complete failures, so how do I start to turn this around? Well I need to ask for help and be honest with myself and my husband and have a real conversation. Over the past few months well the last year really, we have been like ships in the night, our small home business has been booming but honestly its been so busy there have been no days off, 18 hour days and the Palletking may as well have lived at our unit for the limited amount of time he has been at home…. Which has meant that in turn the house and family life has fallen on my shoulders (along with the paperwork and social media side of the business). So what do you do? Or what do I do – mums don’t ask for help we forge on until we crack – or we drink a lot of gin, and I definitely also bottle up all my angst until I can’t take anymore and have a go at the Palletking for every single little thing trying to goad an argument, which of course makes the situation so, so much worse! This time I was a grown up, it was crossroads time and we had an adult discussion, Palletking was on the same page! So we have decided to scale things back a little bit and focus on spending more time together again, not just as a family but also as a couple. We even had dinner by ourselves this weekend (it was at home and we did cook) but it was together and we stayed up together until 10:30!! I think as soon as you start slowing down your body seems to know and then you suddenly need a lot more sleep then you were able to function on when you were running around like a headless chicken! To be fair its back to school this week coming and we all need as much sleep as possible and to be able to get up and out much earlier and much more organised then we have been! So hopefully this is a step in the right direction for us as a family, a couple and a small business owner to try to find a happy medium and a bit more home-life balance if that even exists! Which in return means that I’m hoping my brain slows down and I can refocus and go back to being a happy mum failure – because we all know that unless we are disappointing one of our children its not been a productive day!